The Lighter Side of Life

Life

Don't Take Life Seriously. It Is Not Permanent.

The rain falls on the just and also on the unjust,
But chiefly on the just,
Because the unjust steals the just's umbrella.

Paul's Law: You can't fall off the floor.

Life is easier than you think. All you have to do is:
Accept the impossible,
Do without the indispensable,
Bear the intolerable and
Be able to smile at anything.

In case of emergency, break glass. Scream. Bleed to death.

I don't have a solution, but I admire the problem.

Cogito ergo tango. I think, therefore I dance.


Insanity

I don't suffer from insanity. I enjoy every minute of it.

Do not disturb. Already disturbed!

Confusion not only reigns, it pours.

Madness takes it's toll. Please have exact change.

I feel like I'm diagonally parked in a parallel universe.


Statistics

There are 3 kinds of people: those who can count and those who can't.

Two thirds of Americans can't do fractions.
The other half, just doesn't care.

Lottery: A tax on people who don't understand statistics.

The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right,
there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong.


English

Always proof-read carefully to see if you any words out.

"He inched his way up the corridor as if he would rather be yarding his way down it..."

"For a moment, nothing happened. Then, after a second or so, nothing continued to happen."


Computers

hAS ANYONE SEEN MY cAPSLOCK KEY?

It said "Insert disk #3", but only two will fit!

How do you make Windows faster ? Throw it harder.

I had a life once... Now I have a computer and a modem.

I am logged in, therefore I am.



Church Billboard

Religion

Those who live by the sword... Get shot by those who don't.

Welcome to the Church of the Holy Cabbage. Lettuce pray.

Jesus Saves -- passes to Moses, shoots, SCORES!

Sex

Learn from your parents mistakes - use birth control!

Contraceptives: To be used on all conceivable occasions.


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